Help. Help. Please. Anything But the Briar Patch.

Trump says he won’t pass any more legislation while Democrats continue to investigate him.

Never thought I’d say this, but we need to investigate President Trump!

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 

Careful! That Thing Could Go Off!

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 

Friday Night Open Thread

I love Weird Al.


[The YouTube]

Do you have something you’d like to share? A link? A joke? Some words of wisdom? A topic to discuss? It’s Friday Night Open Thread.

What’s on your mind?

(No Ratings Yet)

 

“Stand Up, Chuck!”

Joe Biden said that President Trump “can’t relate to the average family’s struggles“.

This from a guy who can’t relate to the number of letters in the word J-O-B-S.

[title reference link]

(No Ratings Yet)

 

I Think I’ll Just Stay Away From Nature, Which Apparently Has Concrete Plans to Kill Me if I Get Too Close


[These Bears Put Your Household Items to the Test] (Viewer #121,422)

I don’t know much about bears, but I once had a large dog that would destroy things.

More out of boredom than hunger, though.

(No Ratings Yet)

 

Link of the Day: How You Know You’re Doing It Right

[High Praise! to Townhall]

Work Hard, Play By The Rules, And Be Hated By Liberals

[Think you have a link that’s IMAO-worthy? Send it to harvolson@gmail.com. If I use your link, you will receive High Praise! (assuming you remember to put your name in the email)]

(No Ratings Yet)

 

Trump Truths: Deal

President Trump offered Congressional Democrats a deal: every new section of border wall will have one word printed on it from the unredacted Mueller Report.

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 

Cry Bully

[High Praise! to Freedom Is Just Another Word]

(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 

2020 Democrat Candidates Sign Pledge to Forgo Secret Service Protection at Campaign Rallies in Favor of Prominently Displayed “Gun Free Zone” Signage

If only the sign had also been in Spanish and Braille

NEW YORK (AP) – In New York City, Mayor Bill de Blasio became the 24th of 24 Democrat presidential candidates to cement his gun control bona fides by signing a pledge not to rely on armed Secret Service agents for personal protection. De Blasio, like the rest of the signatories, vow to rely exclusively on “Gun Free Zone” signage, prominently displayed around the perimeter of any venue at which they have a speaking engagement.

De Blasio said he was “proud” to put his name on “such a historic document” which marked an important “first step” in ending gun violence across America.

“I am so proud that my fellow Democrats and I could put aside our differences and show true unity on a subject dear to all our hearts and campaigns,” said de Blasio. “Just as all of us signed pledges to pay our interns $15 an hour, get our health insurance exclusively though Affordable Care Act-approved providers, and stop feeding plastic grocery bags to polar bears, we stand equally united on this. Our dream is to show this country what a gun-free America would look like, and today, we’re making that dream a reality.”

The pledge was the brain-child of former Vice President Joe Biden, who said he was inspired by his experiences while serving in the West Wing for eight years.

“We all know that guns kill more people than terrorists, lightning, and auto accidents combined,” said Biden. “We of the Democratic Party need to step up and show leadership in reversing that terrifying trend. When I was Vice President, the Secret Service agents assigned to protect me never once pulled their guns out and shot any crazed murderers. Do you know why? Because at all the entrances to the White House, there are prominently-displayed signs that say ‘no firearms beyond this point.’ So what do you think happens? Everybody obeys the signs, and nobody gets shot. I can’t think of stronger proof that these signs work everywhere they’re tried.”

Long shot candidate Andrew Yang, who consistently polls around 1% in a field where he’s statistically entitled to at least 4% just by random chance, said he supports the pledge for, perhaps, slightly different reasons than his compatriots.

“I’ll be honest,” said Yang, “unlike some of the other Democrats, I’m not an idiot, just a socialist. I know darn well signs aren’t going to prevent doodly-squat. My hope is that some loony will shoot me at one of my rallies. At this point, it’s about my only chance to get any press coverage.”

—–

< Controversial Time Cover Features Married Heterosexual Christian Couple

(1 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 

Straight Line of the Day: The Editor of the New York Times Predicted That Within Five Years, Newspapers Will Be Replaced by…

Works like this: I feed you Moon Nukers a straight line, and you hit me with a punch line in the comments.

The editor of the New York Times predicted that within five years, newspapers will be replaced by…

(No Ratings Yet)

 

The Illustrated Frank J: Fixed It For You

[source]

(No Ratings Yet)

 

Ask IMAO Anything: Answers #9

So do you like feeling smarter? Just Ask IMAO Anything and you’ll be smarter for it.

Leave us a question in the comments, or email us at Ask.IMAO.Anything@gmail.com, and we’ll answer your question.

Since the IMAO audience is the smartest on earth, they’ll help answer your questions. For those they don’t answer, we’ll answer next time. Or, we’ll answer if further clarification is needed.

Here are the remaining questions from last edition.



walruskkkch: I’m thinking of a number, what is it?


It’s a unit belonging to an abstract mathematical system and subject to specified laws of succession, addition, and multiplication, but that’s not important right now. Tell the captain I must speak to him.



Oppo: Would a just God allow hipsters to continue to wear fedoras and soul patches?


No. He would allow them to wear Trilbys though. And the Devil would cause them to call the hats Fedoras rather than Trilbys because Trilbys sounds as stupid as they look. But Fedoras — actual Fedoras — rock.



Oppo: My God, what have I done?


Now that you know the difference between Trilbys and Fedoras, you’ll be okay. All is forgiven.



Oppo: Monaco . . . Liechtenstein . . . Burkina Faso . . . The Gambia . . . Seriously?


Nothing is that serious.



Oppo: Why so serious?


We just covered that.



Oppo: What’s Santa Claus doing now?


Planning his retirement.



Harvey: Was there ever a tenth reindeer?


Yes, but he was really the 11th. Nobody mentions the War Reindeer.


A special thanks — and bacon! — to the Moon Nukers who helped answer the questions last time:

  • thebrickmoon
  • Happy Fun Ball
  • zzyzx
  • CLIFFY
  • walruskkkch
  • Oppo

Remember, if you have a question, leave it in the comments and someone will answer it for you, either by replying to it in the comments, or I’ll offer an answer next time. Or, you can email us at Ask.IMAO.Anything@gmail.com and I’ll answer it next time.

(3 votes, average: 3.67 out of 5)

 

…The Left Wouldn’t Have Any

A new study shows that 41% of college students believe hate speech is not protected under the First Amendment.

Unless they’re saying it to you because you said something they didn’t like.

[title reference link]

(2 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)

 

Thursday Night Open Thread

Back in the ’80s, I saw the movie Ruthless People. I don’t remember that much about it. I think it had some funny bits in it. Maybe I need to watch it again to find out.

I certainly don’t remember any of the music from it.


[The YouTube]

What’s been on your mind? Got something you’d like to share? A topic to discuss? It’s Thursday Night Open Thread.

Who wants to start?

(No Ratings Yet)

 

I Just Got Stepped on by a Mammoth

A Cambridge university study shows that, back when humans hunted and gathered their food, life was “easier”.

Yes it was. So was dying at 35 of something antibiotics can cure.

(3 votes, average: 5.00 out of 5)